After the lull of summer the art world is in full swing and now is about one thing: speed. The speed needed to run between openings, to sprint towards gallery art fair stands before the speculators get there, the speed required to flip works straight into auction. So first on this wishlist is definitely #ACCELERATE: The Accelerationist Reader, which is all about unleashing latent productive forces to go bat-shit crazy in a neoliberal world – perfect for the art-world if you ask me.
Second on my wishlist is a pair of the Ryan Gander designed Adidas 7x 750 trainers which feature handcrafted mud which I will wear to Frieze Masters. These will give the impression that I’ve been sprinting through the park in order to be the first to get my hands on the dreamily saucy photographs of young Sri Lankan fellas by Lionel Wendt at Jhaveri Contemporary’s stand. I have no actual desire to really sprint through the park, particularly in London’s changeable Autumn weather.
As a nod to the climate I’ll be making sure that I’m carrying the ‘Late Turner Umbrella – Snow Storm’ that has just been unveiled in the Tate Shop as a homage to the great pre-modernist who would no doubt be delighted that his proto-impressionist imagery can now be used to ward off showers. And if it doesn’t actually rain, I’ll be unveiling a little gift sent to me anonymously from New York (I know it’s you Klaus!), the Pluï Rain Cloud toy which is available at the MoMA Store for just $12 and which you can fill up and squirt all over your head to give you that conversational opener at the multitude of dreary VIP breakfasts that are filling up Frieze week.
Next on my list is a Canon Vixia HF R52 with which I shall head down to Tate Britain. Again I have absolutely no intention of sitting through the acres of dreary video art that the selectors have come up for this year's Turner Prize but will pay good hard cash to a gallery attendant to record it all so I can watch it at high-speed on the less-than-high-speed Oxford Tube coach en route to catching Ai Weiwei’s show at Blenheim Palace. The entire show was put together by Wei by remote control using 3D plans of the site and ground as the dear old Chinese government is refusing to hand back the artist’s passport.
After all that running around, my final wish-item is the rather lovely limited edition silkscreen titled ‘Working/Resting’ by Camille Henrot, who has just won the Nam June Paik award. It is available in an edition of 60 from the Chisenhale Gallery for £300 and I shall hang it on the wall above my shoe-rack where I store my Gander trainers. There’s only so much running around a Gallery Girl can take after all.
Online exclusive published 6 October 2014